Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
