But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
