Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
