It's just like the Real World with babies
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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