I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i drank out of a bidet.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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