Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
