Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
