if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
