Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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