I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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