if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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