I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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