So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
