I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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