No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
