The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
40s are totally the cure
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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