you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
