guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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