So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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