Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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