i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
tell me about the eggs
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