wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
