I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
