Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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