You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
