Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
