she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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