he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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