my room smells like sperm. sweet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's never too late to be topless.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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