Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
50% drunk capacity currently
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
