What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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