That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
