He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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