Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
