Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
