If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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