Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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