So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
