I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
