I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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