my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
