how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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