Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
