I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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