Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
