the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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