I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
