THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
