your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the day after is always just damage control
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
