My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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