i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I cut my penus on the lid.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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