I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He did a backflip because drugs
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
