i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
