Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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