I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize