omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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