that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
