Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
