It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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