That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
