So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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