he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
