I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong