You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
