you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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