"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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