I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.