If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry