First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.