I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.