Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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