i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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