I'm so fucking centered right now
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
