I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
