need another drink. this is the easiest way
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
