If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
