One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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