Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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