I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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