The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
