youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
