the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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