He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This baby is an asshole
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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